i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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