I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
