u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
