Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
