Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
