They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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