He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I party with great urgency now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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