Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize