If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
