It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mom said you looked used
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
