Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
