im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We have so much sex to catch up on
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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