so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
