Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He better not be in your backpack
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
