Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
