The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
