Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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