Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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