So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
