I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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