I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
