all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
