Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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