So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
