By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
