Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
