ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
