there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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