Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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