this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
