I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They have beer where we have blood.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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