It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Houston, we have a blender
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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