I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
