At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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