Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
