My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
