I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
