dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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