Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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