the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
