Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
