Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
