Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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