i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
