Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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