i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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