She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
