omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
