Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
