he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
