Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what day is it and did you see me today?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my poor anus
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
