I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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