some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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