R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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