Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
