So drunk, too bad you don't want this
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
