She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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