My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
