Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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