you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
