Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
