I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
