i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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