Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
