he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
