I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
