I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
